Monday, January 7, 2008
Bud Light: It limits your vocabulary!
Apparently, if you drink enough Bud Light, your vocabulary dwindles, eventually leaving you with a single monosyllabic word. Dude. This word apparently serves you in all of life's opportunities and frustrations.
I would be very cautious. Joe Buck, while being possibly the world's worst announcer in any sport who didn't catch for Bob Gibson (I'm talking about Tim McCarver here), is a generally literate person. But exposure to Bud Light and random brain damaged morons has reduced his vocabulary down to a single monosyllable, as well.
The condition appears viral. At the :16 mark, Joe gets an aerosol exposure to the Dude Virus. At the :30 mark, he starts to demonstrate a multiple word vocabulary. He is then brushed by the carrier. Then, either through the delayed first exposure at the :16 mark, or the scarily fast exposure at the :30 mark, his vocabulary is reduced. By the :48 mark, it's gone. All he has is, "dude." While I don't think it could have happened to a better person (imagine, world series and football playoffs without the dulcet tones and nails-on-the-chalkboard play-by-play of Joe Buck (or Schmuck as my in-laws from St. Louis call him).
If you suspect that the Dude Virus has emerged anywhere near you, please contact the United States Center for Disease Control and Prevention. They will give you the best next steps. Or call a nuke strike on your city to eradicate it. Either way.